Captain Marvel Rant-view: Marvel's "Last Jedi"? (Zack Patterson)

WARNING: The following review contains obnoxious opinions and strong language

It also contains good and bad opinions about the Captain Marvel film, if that is too much for you to handle emotionally, you should probably stop here

Remember when you could discuss a film’s quality without being hit with a barrage of blanket statements regarding your quality as a person? I do. Those were good times. However, then The Last Jedi came along. For me, it wasn’t the best Star Wars film, but it also wasn’t the worst. Sadly what is was good for was ushering in a new low point for the internet, which itself already has so many low points. At the first sign of an overly positive or negative review of the film, the opposing side would immediately hurl insults and accusations. First it was critics vs people. Then is was whether or not they could call themselves a true fan of Star Wars based on their opinion of this single film. Then...inevitably...it became about politics. Any negative review was immediately met with accusations of chauvinism, sexism or racism, with positive reviews being accused of blind obedience based on the actors/director’s political affiliation.
    It was all petty, childish, unintelligent nonsense and accomplished absolutely nothing. Not to sound like I’m defending trolls or something, but people should be allowed to say they think a movie is bad, if they can list a few reasons and explain where it went wrong for them. If you aren’t insulting the fanbase or the actors or the crew, what’s the problem? As I’m sure you've guessed, I am rounding this back to Captain Marvel for obvious reasons. The exact same thing has happened with this film as The Last Jedi. Critics scored it way too high and audience members scored it with a more accurate level of enthusiasm, and the internet has imploded. There are trolls shooting it down without even watching it, overly invested political-types are accusing everyone who dislikes it of being sexist, there’s negative people who are actually sexist and there are people saying it is the best comic book movie of all time (It isn’t) simply for existing. Then there is someone like me, who can see the good and bad elements in an MCU movie that was insanely overhyped by Disney for reasons I do not know. I’m going to start talking about it now, so prepare your wild accusations for me.

SPOILERS AHEAD

PROS:

-Brie Larson was way better in this movie than I thought she would be. I have no idea why Marvel’s trailers for this movie were cut so bad or why they never showed any footage of Brie being any kind of fun character. You can tell she was having fun with the role and it really enhanced her performance. She brings badassery but also humor and emotion into the movie, making all the moments that she starts kicking ass that much more rewarding. So yea, I eat my words on this one. Brie was wonderful and I can’t wait to see her in Avengers: Endgame.

-Ben freakin Mendelsohn! This guy is everywhere now and he’s always so good! I’ve mostly seen him in villain roles, and to my surprise in this film he was not one. He was so awesome as a Skrull and he was pure charisma in this movie. Can we just put him in every movie and be done with it?

-Nick Fury is back! Not in a lil cameo or post credits surprise, he is a major part of the film. It was good to have him back and to see what Fury was up to back in the 90’s. He also had a lot of chemistry with Brie and it carries the movie. Really I feel like I took the character for granted back in the earlier films and then after he was gone for a few movies, I really missed Fury and the humor Samuel L Jackson brings with it. Really this movie’s entire ensemble just worked so well together. Marvel’s casting is always on point!

-GOOSE!!!!!!! That darn cat! I knew what a flerken was before going into this movie, so I just sat, waiting for him to do his thing and he finally did and it was HILARIOUS! Marvel needs to find a way to get this cat into AT LEAST one more movie. I need more!!!

-The Stan Lee cameo. This was easily in my top 5 cameos for him. Having him read a Mallrats script had me losing my mind and Brie looking down and smiling at him was all the feels. They also had the most insane tribute at the beginning of this film that put images of all of his cameos into the Marvel opening logos. The room suddenly became really dusty…...and I think my allergies were getting pretty bad…...I cried….like a lot. I teared up so bad that I missed a bit of the opening scene because I was wiping my eyes. MARVEL YOU GOTTA WARN PEOPLE, I WAS NOT READY!!!!!!

-The way Carol wrecks the villain at the end of this movie was just rad! Jude Law is a decent villain in this movie and I love the actor, but by the end of this movie, he gotta go. So it's one-on-one, and he challenges Danvers to show him what she’s got, once and for all and she ONE PUNCHES his ass, sending him sailing across the desert! Marvel sometimes has an issue repeating themselves when it comes to fighting and dispatching their villains. This was way refreshing and I laughed for nearly 5 minutes.

-It only took 21 movies, but the Skrulls are FINALLY in the MCU! I am one of the nerds theorizing that Skrulls will be a big part of a future MCU endeavor. They’d be foolish not to do a Secret Invasion scenario, where literally anyone can be an impostor.

-Ronan was in it! I’m a huge fan of Lee Pace so despite being used sparingly, it was such a treat to see his character again and I hope it was not the last time

CONS:

-This movie takes place in the 90’s. It was in every article about the movie and obvious in the previews. If you’ve been living under a rock for the last year, don't worry, they remind you it’s the 90’s EVERY FIVE MINUTES in this movie. Subtlety goes a long way in these situations. The main character crashing into a Blockbuster video is really all you need on that. To be fair other movies have been doing this too, but I still gotta point it out

-Goose was not used enough. I get it, it's not his movie, but he only does cool flerken things for like 60 seconds of the movie. There were many many other things that could've been cut to make room for more Goose, just sayin...

-”Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye…” is what Nick Fury said in Winter Soldier. It was cryptic an awesome. So naturally, when the first images for Captain Marvel showed a young Nick Fury with 2 good eyes, the hype went into overdrive. We were finally gonna see what happened, who betrayed him so badly that it cost him his eye. The cat, it was the damn cat. The cat scratched him. That is easily the dumbest scenario next to like an allergic reaction to cheese. I have seen Winter Soldier since seeing this film, and that moment is legit ruined now. I might be angry fanboy-ing a bit here, but that was dumb.

-This plot is kinda wishy-washy. The story borrows from everywhere. There’s a lot of Green Lantern, there's some Wonder Woman, there’s some Chronicle, there's a scene that is nearly identical to Independence Day. If you read any Captain Marvel comics, you’ll see there’s many options for stories and origins, so this felt very rushed to me. It was also very predictable, the not surprising at all twist falls on deaf ears. Finally, and this is angry fanboy-ing, if you’re making a prequel you need to explain things. The last time the tesseract is seen in the timeline it was fished out of the ocean by Howard Stark. Did Howard give it to Shield? Was it stolen by Aliens? Did Shield know about the Aliens and let them take it??? TELL ME THINGS!!!

-Angry fanboy moment in 3…2…THAT IS NOT HOW THE AVENGERS GET THEIR NAME, GET THAT SHIT OUT OF THIS MOVIE...NICK FURY STARED AT A DAMN AIRPLANE THAT JUST HAPPENS TO BE CAROL’S…..NO! THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!

-The final fight scene in this movie is pretty good, and would’ve been a lot better if I’m Just A Girl wasn’t playing over the entire thing. The musical choices in this movie were questionable and there needed to be more original score.

FINAL TALLY:

This is NOT a bad movie, let’s just say that first. People who say it is a bad movie are probably neck-bearding it up just to make people mad. However, this was a rushed movie and it shows. I personally think they should’ve saved this movie for a release after Avengers: Endgame. Let her make her big entrance in the ensemble film, kicking ass alongside the rest of the team, making banter and giving us laughs. Then, after Thanos’ inevitable defeat, you do the origin film. It worked great for Spiderman and Black Panther starting out in Civil War so why not do that here? Trying to make that film while tap-dancing around Infinity War and Endgame production had to be a difficult task. Making it the kickster for phase 4 would’ve been much easier AND more dynamic for the character. Instead, Captain Marvel was kinda shoehorned into Endgame and fans (not the jerk ones) are worried she may take too much spotlight away from characters who have been around MUCH longer in these franchises. Also, whether you like it or not, there is validity to the Mary Sue argument. The moment she came on the scene, Marvel ran to press screaming at the top of their lungs how she is the absolutely strongest, most powerfulest, toughest, most awesome character in the whole MCU because........reasons? However, you could ignore a lot of what I just said because Brie Larson is a great and welcome addition to the MCU. She will bring a lot to the future films if people can turn off their biases and just let movies do the movie things. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what anybody says, including everything you read here. The only thing that matters is that this character inspires people, and that is Marvel’s entire purpose. Representation is important, especially for children, and this movie succeeds in its objective. It succeeded in more than that, having just crossed the billion dollar sales mark. So, at the end of the day, it’s a movie that’s pretty ok, was a big win for Marvel and will inspire millions. Who are we to say anything to that?

3.5 out of 5 - Not that it matters lol

​