The Zacks 2018 (And Why the Oscars Suck Now)

WARNING: The following contains obnoxious opinions, language and potential spoilers!

And the Oscar goes to…..none of them! I’m done, I’m doing my own!  Yes, I watched the Oscars, even though I said I wouldn’t. Despite the politics and the movies you’ve never heard of being nominated, there’s still a pull to the broadcast, although it is starting to fizzle out. I’m not just talking about me. The ratings are down AGAIN. They go down every year. And it’s obvious why.

-Movies we like get nominated for a bunch of stuff, and inevitably lose every category due to the internal politics of the Academy (Baby Driver).

-Other movies, which deserve to win the big awards, get Screenplay so they can be pushed aside (Get Out).

-Movies with a certain director’s name attached to them win all the technical awards despite the technical work in this current film being lackluster compared to the other nominees (Dunkirk).

-Movie sequels based on classic films that held a lot of ground 35 years ago win awards just for existing despite the new film not performing well at the box office and not being that good overall (Blade Runner 2049)

-The host did a really good job once, so they were brought back, but they used all their A-list material the first time so this time was kinda weak. The whole “Matt Damon, we ran outta time” thing has no place at the Oscars man.

-Politics...I’m not gonna weigh in on anything, I’m not gonna take any sides and I’m not gonna call anyone out. I’m just gonna say the politics don’t need to be there and they are responsible for making the current-era Oscars feel less soulful and no fun.

-Best Picture is made up of a bunch of last minute end-of-the-year movies that virtually none of us have seen or even wanna see. We just end up rooting for the 1 movie on the list that we have seen just to watch it lose. Thats no fun.

But it wasn’t all bad. I was convinced Daniel Day Lewis was gonna be showered with affections and a shoe-in for Best Actor because he’s “one of the greatest actors of all time” (I disagree), but they didn’t! Gary Oldman finally got the Oscar he has deserved for the last 20 years! Kobe won an oscar for his excellent short film Dear Basketball, Coco took not only Best Animated Feature but Best Original Song, as was deserved. Rita Moreno presented an Oscar and she is absolutely phenomenal no matter what she’s doing. My favorite thing in the world was that a jetski was awarded to the Oscar winner with the shortest acceptance speech. To their credit, that was a hilarious idea and they followed through with it at the end of the show. Finally, despite only winning Screenplay, I was really happy to see Peele have his moment to reflect on the amazing film that is Get Out. It deserved so much more, but I’m glad it wasn’t completely skunked. Which brings me back to the main issue.

The Academy can keep the Oscars. They are bloated, biased braggarts awarded to films that belch boredom. So I’m going to do my own. Obviously I am not a professor of cinema, but I am a professor of pop culture...nerd, I am a nerd, and  have a decent understanding of what people like, even if I do not always agree. That being said, I’d like to present the nominees for The Zacks, a series of awards based around movies people ACTUALLY WATCH, with some new awards that should be a part of the Oscars but aren’t. The winners will be announced on the next episode of Post Credit Podcast and then added on here!

Best Picture
Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi
Get Out
Baby Driver
Dunkirk
Logan

Best Action Film
John Wick 2
Baby Driver
The Foreigner
Fate of the Furious
Dunkirk

Best Sci-fi Film
Blade Runner 2049
Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi
Life
Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets
Thor: Ragnarok

Best Comic Book Film
Thor: Ragnarok
Wonder Woman
Logan
Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Spider-man: Homecoming

Best Animated Film
The Lego Batman Movie
Coco
Cars 3
Despicable Me 3
Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters

Best Motion Capture Performance
Andy Serkis - Caesar - War for the Planet of the Apes
Taika Waititi - Korg - Thor: Ragnarok
James Gunn - Baby Groot - Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Sean Gunn - Rocket Raccoon - Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Dan Stevens - Beast - Beauty and the Beast

Best Original Score
Hans Zimmer - Dunkirk
John Williams - Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi
Alexandre Desplat - The Shape of Water
Michael Giacchino - Coco
Rupert Gregson-Williams - Wonder Woman

Best Actor:
Mark Hamill - Luke Skywalker - Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi
Michael Rooker - Yondu - Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Jon Hamm - Buddy - Baby Driver
Hugh Jackman - Logan - Logan
Bill Skarsgard - Pennywise - It
James Franco - Tommy - The Disaster Artist

Best Actress:
Gal Gadot - Diana - Wonder Woman
Katherine Waterson - Daniels - Alien Covenant
Robin Wright - Antiope - Wonder Woman
Sally Hawkins - Eliza - The Shape of Water
Cate Blanchett - Hela - Thor: Ragnarok
Dafne Keen - X-23 - Logan

Best Voice-Acting Performance:
Will Arnett - Batman - The Lego Batman Movie
Jackie Chan - Master Wu - Lego NinjaGo Movie
Bradley Cooper - Rocket Raccoon - Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Ralph Fiennes - Alfred - The Lego Batman Movie
Gael Garcia Bernal - Hector - Coco
Benjamin Bratt - Ernesto de la Cruz - Coco

Best Sound Editing:
Baby Driver
Dunkirk
Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi
Blade Runner 2049

Best Sound Mixing:
Baby Driver
Dunkirk
Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi
Thor: Ragnarok

Best Screenplay:
War for the Planet of the Apes
Get Out
Coco
Logan
Blade Runner 2049

Biggest Surprise of 2017
Jumanji - A sequel that nobody wanted that turned out to be excellent
Cloverfield Paradox - A movie that dropped 2 hours after the trailer on Netflix
Baby Driver - Edgar Wright comes out of nowhere with an epically edited action movie
Thor: Ragnarok - Marvel took the struggling franchise and turned it on its head

Most Anticipated of 2018:
Black Panther
Ready Player One
Avengers: Infinity War
Mission Impossible: Fallout
Incredibles 2
Christopher Robin

Sean L. Holmes Please Don’t Suck Award 2018
Pacific Rim 2
Venom
Solo: A Star Wars Story
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Rampage

Zachary R. Patterson Absolute Worst Award
Current Holder: Independence Day: Resurgence (2nd year in a row)
Power Rangers - *(Worst of the Year)*
Justice League
The Emoji Movie
Alien: Covenant
The Mummy
Transformers: The Last Knight

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